Well, its happened. My baby turned 21 last Tuesday. His dad and I headed up to see him and enjoyed lunch with him and his friend. It seemed like everyone was just plain ignorant of the emotions swirling around in my head and in my heart. The tears that were threatening to spill over and create a tidal wave of gigantic proportions. My brain said, "Job well done Sylvia! He has arrived in one piece, of sound mind, of good character, excellent judgment, and Christian values." But my heart...well, it was in an entirely different place. It rambled around thinking of those first words, first steps, learning to ride a bike, tree climbing-in fact just plain old climbing anything as long as it was high and frightening to his mom, launch pads, baseball, skinned knees, stitches, temper fits, high fevers, tennis, pneumonia, graduation, speeches, a plane taking off for faraway places without me, and right on down to that first time when that little white car pulled out of the driveway bound for college. Children just seem so blissfully unaware of the havoc they play on a mama's heart. I guess we are kinda weird creatures. On the one hand we want them to grow up-PLEASE! But on the other, we still want to hold their hand in ours and never let go. This weekend we gave him a surprise party and he was surprised! All of these relatives and friends there because this young man meant something to them. Not like he does to me maybe, but these are lives he has touched in one way or the other. As I sat there and looked around me I thought no one in that room understood; not even his dad. This was MY baby. Now grown. A man. Gone are the pacifiers and building blocks, power rangers, bats and balls and bulldozers. Again, it was a real effort to keep the tears contained so no one else would see. I couldn't embarrass him like that! But as I watched this young man I began to realize that I am blessed to have seen his transformation. To have been there. To be his mom. Now we talk of English classes and trips to Otakon and his friend from Greece. We talk about his sisters and his nephews and his cousins. Sunday when he left he kissed me soft and sweet on my cheek and said, "I love you mama." And that...that...is what will never change. The mama in me misses that little boy but also hugs close to her heart this new man who can still bend down and give hugs and kisses without reservation.