hit with a gut punch

Sometimes you think you know someone. You've loved them all of their life. You've feed them and clothed them and rocked them. Kissed away the tears, hurt their hurts, sang lullabies and swelled with pride at their accomplishments. And then one day, out of the blue, they gut punch you and your whole world is altered. It can never go back to the way it was. The family can never be quite the same. You realize you were taken by the cute smiles and sweet kisses. Meaningless...all fake. All meant to make you believe they were someone they weren't. To add insult to injury...the conspiracy...more wounds. I am left wondering if that kind of hurt ever goes away. Sad I am.

the gift of the gift......

Blue skies-ever notice how the fall sky just seems to be soooo, well, blue? Almost like a robin's egg. Blue is calming. You can look out over an ocean of blue water and just feel, well, relaxed. When I woke up today it was sort of chilly but those blue skies were there. The sun is out and my baby grandson sleeps quietly across the hall. Today, as we walked into the bank, he took my hand and looked up at me and said, "Grammy, ya know what?" I of course asked what. He said, "I'm never, ever going to leave you alone. Not ever!" The voice of conviction from my brown eyed, red headed little angel. Through the years we are convicted of many things. We believe we believe it; we say we believe it; we believe we do it; we believe we live it. But sometimes we simply miss the the gift of the gift. There is a church in Port Gibson that once you enter it, well, it's blue. The sunlight through the windows gives everything inside that peaceful blue hue. Beautifully, wonderfully blue. A special friend took me to this church one time many, many years ago when the doors were kept open and you could venture inside. The doors are now locked; barred from outside intrusion; it's freedom to enter limited by what the world has become. I know. I tried to go back just a few weeks ago. It was a day that I was searching for the calm and that place came instantly to mind. Upon entering this place of stillness and beauty all those years ago I had to immediately sit down because it was just, well, sooooo beautiful; so amazing; so awesome! The problem was, I didn't immediately understand the real gift. I got the beauty of the place. I just missed the beauty of the gift. Our stroll that day was not accidental. Nor was the entering of the church. It had been planned, by my friend because they knew. Knew me well enough to know that I would love it. And though I was awestruck and humbled by the beauty I could see...I didn't truly understand the real gift that was given that wonderful spring day. The gift of just knowing someone well enough. A gift of love. If I had that day to do over, I'd make sure my friend knew how much it meant to me and today how many times I've thought of that special gift. I didn't tell my grandson (age 3) that I minded being alone. He just knew. Love is just like that. Those words from that tiny little boy are a gift that makes this grandma extra thankful to finally be old enough to really "get it", or at least to think that I do! One thing about knowing God is knowing that He's never going to bar the door. Those blue skies are going to be there for me to enjoy. Maybe not every single day but they will come. I can count on it.

We had a beautiful weekend "down south". Enjoyed a hayride on Saturday at the Ag Museum with my oldest daughter and my two darling (if I do say so myself) grandsons. I think, for the boys, the hit of the day was the train exhibit but they also enjoyed petting the animals, turning the handle on the old hand washing machine, picking out the perfect pumpkin to bring home, sitting in the tree, tea cakes and milk...ok, so they probably enjoyed all of it and I know I did! I've created an album below for you to view, if you'd like to! I also enjoyed the annual pig pickin', which is an end of harvest tradition for a wonderful family in one of our nearby towns. I feel privileged to know these folks and for having the opportunity to share some quality time with friends! I think this year was the first time I've been that once the sun went down we weren't all freezing! Fall continues with warm temps and very dry weather! I've also posted a song by Lady Antebellum called "One Day You Will". I got a little off kilter this weekend because I can't seem to overcome my nature of wanting everyone to be happy and to feel cared for. I just hate to see people I know feel down and out. Well, sometimes it just doesn't matter what you do. And that was the flip side of my weekend. Sooo...anyway...I was reminded of this song and felt compelled to post it! Have a GREAT week!

Austin and me hard at work!

Praising God that my son was not injured when a deer decided to occupy the same space with him on Tuesday evening.

Echoes of a past...

For many of us, this has been a three day weekend. On the calendar it is Columbus Day but for most, it is considered Fall break. Here in the south it is still very warm and also very dry. The leaves are changing color but even more are simply dry and falling to the ground. It's the season. Summer has given way to Fall even if our temperatures fail to acknowledge it.


Yesterday, feeling a little out of kilter, I ventured to the community of Rodney. This made my third time to visit this old town site.




I was startled to see the rapid decline of the few remaining buildings including the old Presbyterian Church. Being somewhat of a history buff, the deterioration of the church upset me. Where are the funds to restore this old church? After all, it is on the National Register of Historic Buildings/Places. I wasn't aware, until a tear silently slid down my cheek, that I was actually crying. It disturbs me that things can be forgotten as if they never were. As I stood in the middle of the dusty, dry street and gazed upon the crumbling remains of this once vibrant town and its church I was reminded of how changeable things really are. Here, with the dust so deep that my shoes were literally covered with the fine powder, there once stood a town that boasted 35 stores, a large hotel, 2 banks and the very fist opera house in the state of Mississippi; where over 4,000 residents once lived, worked, prayed and played. Though I fail to understand the lack of preservation, I do understand the sequence of events that quite literally doomed the town. The river changed it's course. Yellow fever struck. The railroad bypassed the town. Two separate fires raged through it and destroyed all in its path. Yet, there were those who clung to this place, even then. Simply put, it was home. As I gazed upon the old church with the cannonball in its side I couldn't help but be reminded of all the history that had taken place here. And somewhere in its dusty streets and fallen buildings; in the now silent church and in the old cemetery, in the broken remains of the old country store there is a kind of peace. A peace that only comes through the passage of time. I wanted to soak it up and breathe it in and take what this place has left to offer. Time passes and things change and life moves on. But there are places where it simply stands still. Where you can hear the wind as it rustles through the dry leaves on the trees. Where even the dust devils that dance along the street seem to carry life within them. Rodney is a place where summer may have ended but in the quiet of the evening it still offers what it offered so many back in its "day". A simple quietness....a place of peace. Where the heart can feel at home...

Wow! April was 5 long months ago. So much has happened and sadly I've not kept up my blog! I'll review some of those summer happenings and try not to bore you in the process. I had surgery. Daughter Lori went overseas for a month. Melissa spent two weeks in Virginia taking intensive classes for her administrative degree. My nephews graduated from highschool. (When did they get so grown up?) My nephew, Andrew, had his piano recital and played wonderfully. He even wrote some of his own music! Lori moved back home. Chris worked all summer. Lori and Chris and my niece, Angelica, went to Baltimore to the Otakon Convention. School started and my oldest grandson, age 5, bounced off to his first day of K5. That leaves the littlest angel and me to our own devices...I'll try to keep you posted on how that goes. For now I'll leave out how the lawnmower and I have NOT had fun this summer. A friend killed a huge rattlesnake, 7 rattles and a button, the last time I mowed. It is hot and dry! I spent today "up north" with my baby. It was his birthday. All those years ago I held that little fellow in my arms marveling at this perfect little person God had blessed me with. I was still marveling today at the wonder of the boy/man he has become. I've had flashbacks all day of his early years. That little fellow scared his mama more than once. He had a thing for climbing and more often than not could be found on top of something, house, fence...you name it; if he went missing, we looked up! He is the only one of my children who ever had a stitch! His oldest older sister got braces. His older sister got glasses. He got both. He fell in the pond and was saved by his sister. (She tries to pretend she only saved him because I would have spanked her if she hadn't) He....well, the list could just go on and on. Suffice it to say...he was all boy! Today, well, he's still all boy but of the kind that makes a mama proud. He says yes mam and no mam. He has respect for those who deserve it. He works hard. He sticks by his beliefs and isn't easily influenced by others. He has a strong, firm belief in God. If I could just get the rascal to clean his room...hugs to all.

Wow! I can hardly believe that several months have gone by since I've updated my blog! I wish I could say that something grand and wonderful has kept me away but really it's just living life. That I stay busy is a given but I fail, sometimes, to stay focused. I used to think that was a bad thing but something about being "over 50" has given me a new perspective on such things. If I fail to "get it ALL done", well, that's ok. At least I got some of it done. My latest adventure was a little trip my mom and I took up to the Ozarks. More accurately, Boxley Valley, Arkansas. My mom has hinted at the two of us going "somewhere" for a while now. It was on my list. So, last week things just fell into place and off we went. I don't know when we've gotten to do this-just the two of us. For two full days we ladies answered to no one but ourselves. We were in this beautiful place sharing more than just time. We were sharing each other. In some ways we have grown apart. She's been busy getting older and I've been busy raising a family. Now suddenly we are both on the downhill side of 50 and I just wanted to watch her. Love her. Soak her up into that place that always remembers. I simply could not get enough. My mother. My friend. A beautiful woman who gave me life, who healed the hurts, who made me strong and taught me to believe in myself. Now, she has doubts. Thinking herself too old, too slow, too forgetful. She is none of those things. She is one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me. She is lovely in this season of her life. God seems to have given her an inner peace and woven her steps with grace. This time together was a blessing for me. I will hang on to it and cherish it. This time taught me a valuable lesson as well. There should be no list. No waiting for things to be just right. As the slogan says, "Just do it". Spend time with your loved ones TODAY. There are blessings in store for you that you can not imagine. The kitchen will be there tomorrow. The dusting can wait one more day. You have ample clothes in the closet. Your yard can wait. There are moments waiting for you that will bring joy in abundance.

The holiday season has come and gone and our daily lives seem to be on full speed ahead. For that brief moment that was Christmas the world seemed slightly on pause. We soaked up the laughter and the smiles and will keep them safety tucked within us. Another year...another memory. We are blessed to be surrounded by most of our family. Our daily joys seem multiplied. Like everyone else, certain events mold and shape us and add new dimensions to the world around us. You never think about these things when you are safely tucked away in youth. Then one day, sorrows that you never dreamed of come your way and you struggle with thoughts and feelings unknown to you before. Hopefully, we come out on the other side a little wiser, more mature, and untarnished. These "things" remind us not to take one moment of any day for granted. Not to take our family or our children or our grandchildren or our friends for granted. That life is so fragile and can end so suddenly. That events can alter the course of our lives at the exact moment when we thought we had it all worked out. A mother's struggle. Letting go of a child's hand. If only cars were tanks and full suits of armor were required to drive!