Back again

Well, it's been a while. For all of my good intentions, the past 4 months just haven't been all that inspiring. You could say I've kinda been locked inside myself. Well...there was something that just "hit" me today and being me, well, I had to blog! Recently, the school I graduated from held a reunion for all of the classes that graduated in the 70's. This also included "kids" who went to school there during that time but didn't graduate with us. Some were friends of ours that we shared time with though they never "attended" officially. A beautiful place was offered...out in the country...lake...pavilion...good food...70's music playing...artfully put together by a former 70's graduate. Quite a few "showed up". My own graduating class had 6 to come. Well anyway, the thought hit me that here we were apx 30-40 years later and we just seemed to fall together as friends once again. Almost as if time had held us there. There was a common link among us. We grew up together. That night we shared old stories and we "caught up". I didn't hear a single person brag or complain. There was a remembrance table set up with photos of the ones who had passed on. I believe there were around 28. It was just hard to believe. But the real thing all of it made me think about was this. Since graduation most of us former RA students have married, had children, became grandparents. Many have suffered illnesses, lost folks we loved, divorced... The stories we carried that night may have been different from the ones we talked about but on that night we simply remembered. Our lives will always be woven by the common thread we share. The high school years may be far behind us but these are/were the folks we grew up with. We smiled, we argued, we danced with...we shed tears and some of us shared love. We cheered at ballgames...we got into mischief ...and in the end, these are the folks we return to see again. While we've branched out and moved on, I find a little bit of us stays behind. The years we shared molded us, shaped us into what we are today. I think we only begin to see this as we get older. They matter. I don't know about you but that makes me feel pretty good. To know that the building itself may move but the foundation is rock solid and there. We missed those who could not come. They were remembered in our hearts and after all, that's what it's all about in the end. Our high school years are hid back in the recesses of our mind but once in a while, it feels good to bring those memories out, dust them off, and laugh with old friends once again....

hit with a gut punch

Sometimes you think you know someone. You've loved them all of their life. You've feed them and clothed them and rocked them. Kissed away the tears, hurt their hurts, sang lullabies and swelled with pride at their accomplishments. And then one day, out of the blue, they gut punch you and your whole world is altered. It can never go back to the way it was. The family can never be quite the same. You realize you were taken by the cute smiles and sweet kisses. Meaningless...all fake. All meant to make you believe they were someone they weren't. To add insult to injury...the conspiracy...more wounds. I am left wondering if that kind of hurt ever goes away. Sad I am.

the gift of the gift......

Blue skies-ever notice how the fall sky just seems to be soooo, well, blue? Almost like a robin's egg. Blue is calming. You can look out over an ocean of blue water and just feel, well, relaxed. When I woke up today it was sort of chilly but those blue skies were there. The sun is out and my baby grandson sleeps quietly across the hall. Today, as we walked into the bank, he took my hand and looked up at me and said, "Grammy, ya know what?" I of course asked what. He said, "I'm never, ever going to leave you alone. Not ever!" The voice of conviction from my brown eyed, red headed little angel. Through the years we are convicted of many things. We believe we believe it; we say we believe it; we believe we do it; we believe we live it. But sometimes we simply miss the the gift of the gift. There is a church in Port Gibson that once you enter it, well, it's blue. The sunlight through the windows gives everything inside that peaceful blue hue. Beautifully, wonderfully blue. A special friend took me to this church one time many, many years ago when the doors were kept open and you could venture inside. The doors are now locked; barred from outside intrusion; it's freedom to enter limited by what the world has become. I know. I tried to go back just a few weeks ago. It was a day that I was searching for the calm and that place came instantly to mind. Upon entering this place of stillness and beauty all those years ago I had to immediately sit down because it was just, well, sooooo beautiful; so amazing; so awesome! The problem was, I didn't immediately understand the real gift. I got the beauty of the place. I just missed the beauty of the gift. Our stroll that day was not accidental. Nor was the entering of the church. It had been planned, by my friend because they knew. Knew me well enough to know that I would love it. And though I was awestruck and humbled by the beauty I could see...I didn't truly understand the real gift that was given that wonderful spring day. The gift of just knowing someone well enough. A gift of love. If I had that day to do over, I'd make sure my friend knew how much it meant to me and today how many times I've thought of that special gift. I didn't tell my grandson (age 3) that I minded being alone. He just knew. Love is just like that. Those words from that tiny little boy are a gift that makes this grandma extra thankful to finally be old enough to really "get it", or at least to think that I do! One thing about knowing God is knowing that He's never going to bar the door. Those blue skies are going to be there for me to enjoy. Maybe not every single day but they will come. I can count on it.